6 Manifestations of Collective Christian Inner Angst (aka “How to Avoid the Tossing of Molotov Cocktails at a Hillsong Concert”)

April 29, 2013 — Leave a comment

Molotov-Cocktail
Recently, I went to a Hillsong concert with about 30 people from my church and witnessed a uniquely human experience that ended up also being uniquely Christian.Leave horses or cows alone in a field all day and it doesn’t happen.My cat is at home all by herself most days and she doesn’t do it.Last Spring, I spent quite a while at the lion exhibit and they never exhibited the behavior I’ve found unique to humans.

Put humans in a silent room, with no agenda, and it will eventually happen.

I’ll go ahead and tell you that I think it happens because we are uncomfortable with silence.

So, Hillsong was an hour late so…there we sat, 3,000 Christian humans in a large room with no agenda and a silence that became so unbearable for a group of Christians at the front and left of the room that they did the thing that we humans do when we are in groups in rooms with no agenda humans: They filled the silence with noise.

And here’s how it progressed and how it always progresses and–specifically–how it always progresses when the large group of uncomfortable humans are Christian.

Six Manifestations of Collective Christian Inner Angst

Manifestation One: Clapping in Unison
Someone started clapping and before we all knew it we were all clapping in unison. Clap, clap, clap….

Manifestation Two: Clapping in Unison More Quickly
Yes, clapping together wasn’t enough. Something within us drove us to start clapping so quickly that we had to eventually stop because we couldn’t keep up the pace. At this point, a chuckle to oneself is irrepressible.

Manifestation Three: The Wave
After a few rounds of clapping in unison and clapping in unison more quickly no longer satisfied our collective inner angst we were forced to endure because of Hillsong’s tardiness, we embraced the next manifestation of our inability to cope with unscheduled inactivity and silence: The Wave.

Manifestation Four: The “We love Jesus” Cheer
But, The Wave served only as a brief and momentary physical relief for the building, but albeit, still joyful inner frustration of the Saintly crowd with the unexpected concert delay, so began the next iteration of our collective inner angst: The “We love Jesus, yes we do. We love Jesus, how ’bout you?” cheer.

Now, as it so happened, Hillsong took the stage halfway through the fifth round of the “We love Jesus” cheer, so the next two stages were avoided–and usually are with the intervention of a reasonable person–but I share them as a warning to what I’m afraid will inevitably happen if collective inner angst is allowed to manifest itself unabated.

Manifestation Five: Booing
Based on what I experienced in the Denver Convention Center before that Hillsong Concert, I’m confident that–if Hillsong had not taken the stage when they did–the “Boo-birds” would have been released throughout the Denver Convention Center. Which, I’m also sure, would have invariably led to the next and terminal manifestation of collective Christian Inner Angst….the rarely observed but always destructive tossing of Molotov Cocktails.

Manifestation Six: Molotov Cocktails
Please know that this manifestation, although it seems “right” and “justifiable” at the time, serves only to harm our witness in the community and should be avoided at all cost.

My suggestion is, when you feel the urge to fill your empty Coke bottle with fuel, put a fuse in it, and put a match to it, you simply need to just set the bottle down and start clapping and you’re sure to feel much better.

Or, better yet, quote this scripture to yourself, “Be still and know that He is God.” (Psalm 46:10)

That’s the power of sound theology: it has the power to save you and others from a fiery death at a Hillsong concert in Denver.

©2013 Arron Chambers

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