More On Cohabitation

May 9, 2011 — 6 Comments

Yesterday the Christian Standard magazine published an article I just wrote on the issue of Cohabitation.

The article was birthed out of the reaction to a post on this blog from 2009 (Seven Reasons Why Living Together Before Marriage is Not a Good Idea)  that has been viewed (as of today) over 50,000 times.

Here’s an excerpt from my article, Cohabitation for Idiots:

OK, I can hear what you’re thinking. This is an opinion section in the Christian Standard, and you’re going to try convincing me that living together before marriage is a bad idea. Why don’t you stop wasting my time and tell me why I’m right to believe it’s a sin for women to serve Communion?

Well, because I’m not and you’re wrong, but that’s just my opinion and not the point of this opinion piece.

And anyway, I’m the one who was asked to write an opinion article about something I care about and I want to write about cohabitation, which I’m a lot more excited about than what I was previously going to try to write about, which was an article about why we don’t use hymnbooks at Journey Christian Church (where I am the lead minister), which I realized was quite simple to answer: because we don’t want to—and by “we” I mean those in the leadership team who lose sleep over reaching lost people.

So, that’s that, and now I really do want to try to convince you that living together before marriage is a bad idea—and by “you” I mean “you members of the Christian church,” because according to a survey on my blog,1 which more than 1,600 of you answered, the majority of you Christian church people who took my survey (40 percent) believe it’s OK to live together before marriage.2

I do a ton of marriage counseling. Currently I’m working with about a dozen couples from all over the country. In the past 21 years of ministry I’ve worked with hundreds of couples, with most of it being—what I would call—“crisis marriage counseling” with couples who are having huge problems that are directly connected to the fact that they cohabitated before their wedding day.

So, let me “waste” a few moments of your precious time and share why I think cohabitation is an idiotic thing to do.

Click here to read the rest of the article: Cohabitation for Idiots.

Here’s a chart that I’ve created comparing Convenient Love vs. Covenant Love:


6 responses to More On Cohabitation


    Aaron, I had planned to write after I read the article yesterday. My 25 year old granddaughter questioned me “Gran, did you get the Standard this morning?” I pointed it out by my chair; she grabbed it, thumbed through to back and started reading. Finished reading, put it back by chair and we sat down to Mother’s Day lunch.No comments. As soon as she left, I went for the paper. What could be so interesting to her in the Standard? Was thrilled with your article and feel you presented your case well. Thanks so much! P.s. Rich Franz is my minister in Florida. Love their family. Also enjoyed EATS WITH SINNERS when Rich preached from it this winter.


    Oh, I think this is silly. It is perfectly possible–and I know, because I am doing it and have been for three years!–to live with the person you love and to do it within covenant love, not convenient love. Is it common? Nope. Is it easy? Nuh-uh. But it’s possible, and I’m kind of bothered by the insinuation that only within the bonds of marriage can we truly show love. I just don’t see the Christianity behind that statement, sir.


      Where did I specifically insinuate that “only within the bonds of marriage can we truly show love”?
      Your suggestion is a “straw man” set up to justify writing, “I just don’t see the Christianity behind that statement, sir.” I didn’t say that, therefore your accusation is invalid.
      Here’s what I am suggesting…among other things:
      1) Cohabitation, for the Christian, has the appearance of evil and puts the Christian in close proximity to sexual sin.
      2) People who are having sex outside of the covenant of marriage are sinning based on the clear teaching of Christ (Mt. 5:27,28; John 8:11–“go and sin no more”) and the Apostle Paul (I Cor. 6:9,10). I’d say that the teachings of Jesus and the Apostle Paul provide adequate “Christianity behind” my previous statement.


    Its like you read my thoughts! You appear to grasp so much approximately this, such as you wrote the e-book in
    it or something. I believe that you could do with some percent to drive the message home a
    bit, however instead of that, that is great blog. A fantastic
    read. I will definitely be back.

    caitlinbullock94 February 26, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    I found that the article you wrote on cohabitation was really enlightening. I have heard a lot of people express their disdain for cohabitation but up until this point I never really understood that young couples really do place themselves at risk and set themselves up for failure when trying to remain abstinent while also living together.

    I actually read an interesting chapter in a textbook that discusses what sort of implications cohabitation can have for the future of a relationship if you’d be interested in checking it out!

    The thing that I found most interesting about the findings is that they would give the vast majority of young couples considering cohabitation pause, not only in cases where both partners agree on abstinence, but also in cases where young couples are just considering cohabitation with no firm plans for their future together.

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Seven Reasons Why Living Together Before Marriage is not a Good Idea « My Lord and My Blog - April 16, 2012

    […] The Christian Standard magazine just published an article I wrote based on the reaction to this post.  You can read the article here: Cohabitation for Idiots […]

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