In my message this week I reflected on God’s plan for delivering the Children of Israel from Egyptian bondage. I love that Moses doesn’t have to do anything but be faithful. He doesn’t have to come up with any great ideas for how to bring the Israelites out of bondage.
What would I have thought of to bring the people out? Two words: Chuck Norris
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he doesn’t get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard.” Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
This side of Chuck Norris, I would have had nothing.
*I’d love for you to reply with your best Chuck Norris one-liners.